Dentures and bingo and bridge, oh my!
by Dusted Pyxie
Summary: The pilots in a nursing home? Oh dear


Author: Dusted Pyxie

Disclaimer: Not mine, no money, don't sue.

Warnings: Erm... none?

AN: My sister gave me this idea (as well as the idea for Just Ducky), and demands credit. My sis is my muse, I take her ideas and make them sound good :)

Title: Dentures and bingo and bridge, oh my!

CRASH! And ear splitting crash resounded throughout Sanc Kingdom Nursing Home.

"Whoops," 85 year-old Duo said meekly as he stood amidst a sea of Bingo balls, "Sorry, I'll clean it up!" His long, silvery braid had knocked over the ball cage when he had turned around suddenly. Duo was Bingo Master, the resident in charge of running bingo every night. Everyone loved Duo, he was always as energetic as an aging man could be. He would call out the numbers with enthusiasm and hand out prizes with a look of genuine happiness in his eyes.

"Duo no baka," Quatre scolded gently as he came wheeling by, "How many times have we told you to cut that thing off?"

"Three times a day for the last 70 years!" Duo said cheerfully, scooping the loose balls into a garbage can. Quatre shook his head, sighed, and retreated to the quiet of his room, lavishly furnished to look like a study, oak bookcases, many books, and a plush leather chair.

***

The crash had awoken Trowa who had been taking a rare nap in his padded room. He awoke with a jolt, his emerald eyes wide and burning.

"The lions escaped!" he cried, throwing himself at the door, wheezing a bit as he came in contact with it, "Must save the lions!" Finally he managed to turn the door handle and he came bounding out of his room, his white shock of hair flying in the rush of air. He ran to the bingo room and did a flip (well, a kind-of flip) onto a chair.

"Don't worry! I'll fight them off! Where's my trapeze?!" he demanded. Duo sighed. Trowa was having another spell again.

"Trowa, the lions are back where they belong now," Duo gently helped Trowa, who looked wild eyed, off the chair and led him back to his room. Poor Trowa had snapped about 5 years ago, the strain of the war long ago, Catherine's aim starting to falter as she progressed in years, finally taking a toll. Now Trowa was frequently locked in his padded room, devoid of all furniture, save a single mattress.

"But the lions! I have to save the lions!" Trowa protested wildly.

"I'm sure you do, Trowa," Duo firmly closed Trowa's door behind him.

***

Later that night, at supper, all the pilots, save Trowa who was still in his room, had gathered at the same table, as they had done for the past 5 years.

"My spinach is too cold," Wufei grumped, sliding down in his wheelchair.

"Quit complaining China," Heero retorted, "Your spinach is too cold every night," 

"Don't call me China!" Wufei took his ever-present walking stick (even though he was in a wheel chair) and rapped Heero smartly over the head.

"Hey!" Heero snarled, rubbing his head, "Unfair advantage," He worked his jaw for a moment and his false teeth fell out. "Take that China!" he wheezed, throwing his dentures at Wufei.

"You guys," Duo complained, "Heero, put your teeth back in, Wufei, put the stick down. Can't we all just get along?" Heero and Wufei pouted and sank into their chairs. Quatre sat quietly rearranging his peas, trying to ignore his bickering friends.

"Heeeeeeeeero!" A piercing voice came wailing over the murmur of voices.

"Uh oh, better start running Heero," Quatre commented quietly. Heero glanced across the room at Relena madly rolling her way over to the table. He stood up as quickly as he could, joints protesting loudly, grabbed his walker and at a moderate pace, began to hobble out of the dining room.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerooooo!" Relena started to roll faster. Heero glanced over his shoulder at the old woman with the knit blanket on her lap, making a mad dash straight for him. He tried to go faster, damn his arthritis. Relena chased him down a hallway Heero madly trying to get away.

***

Trowa peeked out his door cautiously. He was just in time to see Heero go limping by, wheezing and gasping, followed by Relena who came whizzing by in a wheel chair.

"Help meeeeee..." Heero's voice trailed off as Relena's chair came crashing into him.

"Out of my way!" Wufei came wheeling down the hallway, whacking nurses with his walking stick as he went, "Get out of my way! I'll unleash my dragon!" he threatened one nurse. "Don't worry Heero, I'm comin, I'm--" he was cut off he hit a crack in the tile and took a spill out of his chair. "Damn it."

***

Relena was in heaven, she had finally caught Heero, sure, it had taken her 70 long years, but she finally did it. He was pinned underneath her and her wheelchair. Her heart was fluttering so wildly as Heero struggled to get out, that suddenly, Relena let out a gasp and collapsed, limp, on top of Heero.

Nurses came running to find a dead former Queen-of-the-World on top of the former Wing pilot, who did not look too pleased.

"Heart attack," he said, futilely trying to get himself out, "At least the bitch is finally dead... finally... dead," He smiled at the thought.

***

Relena Daralin/Peacecraft's funeral was held two days later, most of the world coming out to say their final good-byes. All the gundam pilots were dressed in their best and they all stood around her casket, each holding a white rose, even Trowa was behaving today.

After the priest said his final words they walked by, one by one dropping a flower into her open casket. Heero walked by, and before dropping the rose, he started hitting her in the face with the flower.

"Ha ha! Take that bitch! Ha! HA! HA!" he whapped her dead, smiling face over and over again, laughing maniacially until his nurse came and pulled him away.

"Die! Die! The bitch is dead! Dead I tell you! And it's because of me! HAHAHAHAHAHAhahaha....."

THE END


End file.
